Taco Bell Ritual
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Taco Bell Ritual

The moon was full and the streets were glowing with power on this appointed day. Clad in ritual garb, I silently walked towards my place of worship.

Soon it towered before me: Taco Bell. The mirror of my heart and the captain of my soul. I closed my eyes to ground and center. As I felt my inner power grow, I intoned the ancient chant: 59-79-99, 59-79-99.

I watched almost from a distance as my hand reached out and opened the door to this holy temple of human desire. I entered the ritual space deliberately, but reverently. As the door closed behind me and the sounds of the street faded to a negligible charter, I could begin to hear the spirits of this domain in their eternal song. Their song took the melody from the chorus of that famous pagan song by Peter Murphy: Tacos, Burritos, Mexi-Nuggets, Nachos, Soft Drink, Tostada.

As I took my place at the rear of the line of novices, I could see and hear ahead of me the graceful movements and words of the purple-clad priests and priestesses. One of the elders was imparting magickal wisdom to a young initiate: "Turn that stove down - the tortillas are getting charred!" Ah, I thought, they have not forgotten the burning times.

Yesterday, upon the advices of a wise urban shaman I met late at night in Pioneer Square, I had stuffed a taco in my pants. I could still feel its pressure against my second chakra, filling my body with its warm, yet chile energy.

Soon I reached the front of the line of novices. A sacred temple priestess stood before me, clad in a hat bearing the logo of her order. "My Will is four light bean burritos, hold the cheese, with a small soft drink. So mote it be." The power present in the room twisted her face into what in mundane life would be interpreted as confusion. I made the ritual offering of metal discs, gifts of the earth, as she made the traditional magickal response: "Would you like that for here or to go?"

At last, I was ready to take my place at an altar. My four burritos, wrapped in their silver metallic wrappers, lay before me. "Shining ones," I murmured. I was profoundly moved, almost swooning as I reverently took one out of its wrapper. "May you never hunger," I said as I emptied a ritual sauce packet on it.

Now it was time to invoke an element. "I call air," I said as I farted noisily. The novice behind me made a gagging sound and moved away. "Oh well," I told him, "go if you must, stay if you will." Next, thinking of the Great Rite, I inserted my straw into my soft drink.

The room was swirling with energy. I felt my stomach turn in sympathy. I hoped I wouldn't have to go to the toilet to practice the law of threefold return. Quickly, I reestablished my grounding.

But the energy was at its peak, and I could hold my voice back no longer. Leaping on my chose altar and holding my athame-burrito high, I cried, "Tri-fold taco! Be with us now as we honor you with cup and bean!" It was a transcendent moment. The quizzical looks on the faces of the novices before me only deepened the sense of profound mystery that I knew we must all be feeling.

But by the appearance of the two large uniformed gentlemen in front of me, I knew that my role in this ritual had come to a close. I felt as they dragged me out the door that my feet were not even touching the ground. With my soul in the clouds and my feet on the earth, I turned to the outer doors of the temple and bowed my head. Merry eat, and merry fart, and merry eat again.

Blessed Bean !

Author Unknown (If you know who the author is, please let us know so we can give credit where do.)

 


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P L U L D N A W P M L O O J V
N G T N M A I D E N E A R T H

AIR ALTAR CAPE
CAULDRON CHALICE CHANT
CIRCLE COVEN CRONE
DRUM EARTH FIRE
HERBS HEX HIGH
MAIDEN MOON MOTHER
OILS PENTAGRAM POWER
PRIEST PRIESTESS RITUAL
ROBE SAND SPELL
SUN SWORD WAND
WATER WITCH

 

 

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Last updated April 8, 2012

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